so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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