My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
