Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
