Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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