ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
