if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
