last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
50% drunk capacity currently
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize