If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
