This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
