I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
