i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
