I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
