Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
