apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
