are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
