your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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