Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
