addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize