I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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