Are we in a gay sports bar?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
