but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
