I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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