I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
