I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
