i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
