What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
