So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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