I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize