Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
