my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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