U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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