He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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