I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
