I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize