I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
