Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
