OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize