Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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