the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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