I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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