Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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