Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
