then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize