we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
