I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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