Pappa wants mamma naked
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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