Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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