If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize