I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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