I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
