his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
