Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
