Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
