Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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