the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All I want is dick and wine.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
