If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
