p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
