Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
