3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Quick, to the slutcave!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
