I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
