you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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