ugly people sure do ruin things
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
