that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
