Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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