hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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