You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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