Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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