Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
