TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
