theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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