Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
