oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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