hotel room ftw
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
