Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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