The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize