we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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