"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
