i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize