i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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