The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
not ubering you a puppy
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
