she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
