I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Did I show you my penis last night?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
