he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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