Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
