I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
