Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
